Spontaneous outbursts of Humor by God.

Everyone thinks that their family is unique in one way or another...and sometimes mine can be a little more than unique. I love 'em. They're the best! This is a story that took place over Easter weekend...well, ok, just a little bit longer than that, about two weeks or so.

I think that God has an incredible sense of humor! Don't you just love it when the weatherman predicts 60 degree sunshine and we get about 5 inches of snow instead? That's an example of God's sense of humor. He's showing us (particularly the weatherman) that He is the only one who can control the weather, circumstances and our lives! Anyway, God's sense of humor can be a little quirky at times...and that's what this story is all about.

I have three siblings, which pretty much means that there are six people living under one roof. Six people use a whole lot of stuff... tissues, food, clothing...oh, and toothpaste. Lots and lots of toothpaste. It's kind of hard to economize on stuff like toothpaste without having to take a trip to the Dentist...and in the long run, it's a lot cheaper to buy $4.00 worth of toothpaste than to pay $600 to get a few cavities drilled out.

Anyway, it was the week before Easter. We were eating all sorts of sweet stuff and junk...and we were also down to the dregs on toothpaste. Not a good situation. Kroger had had a big sale on toothpaste the week before and Mom had gotten two new tubes of it. Unfortunately, when I went to look for it I couldn't find any.

People who know me for a while know for a fact that I am no good at finding things. Seriously...I'm awful. If there was a frog in the freezer I probably wouldn't see it. So, typically I am not the best person to ask when it comes to finding stuff...especially food items. But on this rare occasion I was right- there was no toothpaste. Period. Even mom couldn't find it.

By the time it got to Easter Weekend, our toothpaste was pretty much non-existent. What remained had been evaporated to wax-like gunk. If I had needed wax for my braces that would have been the stuff to use. Anyway, after church was over, my family and I took a road trip to Chatham, VA to visit my grandparents...actually it usually ends up being more of a family reunion 'cause half the family lives within 150 meters of each other.

...secretly I think that everyone was hoping that Grandma and Grandad would have some toothpaste so's that we could have thoroughly clean teeth for the first time in a few days.

Did they have any extra toothpaste? Well, the answer to that one was no. In fact, they were almost out of toothpaste too. Maybe it was a virus or something...

Anyway, I usually brush my teeth twice a day...which means that I would have brushed them 4 times during our stay. In reality I only brushed them twice for obvious reasons.

Things were going pretty well. I drove for the first time, Nearly gave Dad a heart attack, and semi-invented a recipe. The boys spent alot of their time down at the pond fishing with Great-Uncle Charles' fishing lures and poles. On our last night, Grandad took them down there to fish for big-mouth bass. They were having a great time enjoying each other's company...until Jeremy accidentally lost Uncle Charles' fishing lure in the water.

Poor Jeremy. Everything alwasy happens to him! Of course, sometimes that's his fault, but this time it was purely an accident. Naturally, Grandad made Jeremy and Tim walk the 100 yards past the farm to Uncle Charles' house to apologize.

Now, Uncle Charles is a great guy. He used to raise Ostriches, llamas and donkeys. No kidding. As a kid I would have the best time going down to see the animals. About two years ago he got rid of all the animals and went into landscaping. For some odd reason, his work gives him all this free stuff that he doesn't know what to do with. So, right before Jeremy and Tim left the house, Uncle Charles called and asked if we could use some toothpaste.

Does Billy Graham have a bible time?

So, as it turned out, we ended up with 10 tubes of Clean mint, tartar protection, cavity stopping toothpaste. We gave two tubes to Grandma and Grandad because they were out of toothpaste too.

Isn't God's sense of Humor great? it's amazing how he takes care of us...even in the littlest things ...

...like toothpaste.

Of squirrels, fishing lures and whole-wheat flour.

I have two brothers- Jeremy(who is 14) and Timothy(who is 11). Jeremy is big and somewhat burly, and Tim is smaller and...well...thin. They are always doing something together- whether it is work or play- and always manage to get into the most...well...interesting circumstances.

My brothers are very different in personalities, but they both share one very important dream. The dream is to be a 'country boy'.

Definition of 'Country Boy': A person who has a country accent, wears dirty clothes, likes to hunt and fish and can survive without a playstation- This also includes being 'rough and tough' as it were.

They frequently have competitions about who is a 'country boy' and who is a 'city boy'...competitions that usually are completely ridiculous and have absolutely nothing to do with actually living in the country. Jeremy usually wins these competitions simply because he is bigger and stronger. He has convinced himself that when you look up the term 'country boy' in the dictionary you will see his picture.

I tell him to give it up....not that what I say generally matters.

Anyway, Jeremy's best friend, Jonathon, really is a country boy...and he tells Jeremy all sorts of stories about hunting and how you tan pelts etc. Jonathon has also given many tips on how to shoot squirrels and small animals. To shoot squirrels you are supposed to have a rifle...unfortunately all that we have in the house is a cheap BB gun. But does that bother Jeremy? No sir. Everytime he sees a squirrel he grabs the gun, rushes out the door and shoots...

Most of the time he narrowly misses, but if he does hit the target it doesn't really do anything to the squirrel because it takes over 20 good shots at very close range to actually kill a squirrel.

...oh, when it comes to killing squirrels, I am all for that. My personal belief is that squirrels are just about the greatest pests that were created. I hate them. They thoroughly deserve to be shot because they dig up my garden.

ok, enough about that. Back to the story...

My mom does her best to help us to eat healthy food. She even goes so far as to grind her own wheat flour about every two weeks. Grinding flour is very unpleasant indoors. Not only does it coat everything with fine dust that gets in your lungs, but it also makes an incredible noise. So, naturally we do it outside.

One fine september day, Timothy ran into the house to tell Jeremy that he had found a squirrel. Timothy was so excited that he almost slipped and fell down the stairs. Anyway, the squirrel was half hidden behind a bush and had been dead for some time. Jeremy was ecstatic because Jonathon had recently told him that you can sell squirrel tails as fishing lures for $5 apiece...

...some people will do anything to make money.

Jeremy put on a pair of rubber gloves and moved the squirrel over to the driveway so he would have a good hard surface to cut the tail off....unfortunately it was also wheat-grinding day.

Jeremy's knife was so dull that it took him a good 5 minutes to actually separate the tail from the rest of the body. He and Tim proceeded to salt the tail and leave it in the sun for about 5 hours...

Unbenounced to me, they had left the squirrel tail about 5 feet away from the wheat grinder.

When I stepped over the threshold to the carport, I was horrified to see individual squirrel hairs scattered all over the wheat grinder...

You can probably guess what I did next.

I brought out the broom, swept all the hair away, covered the wheat and picked all the hair out of the all ready ground flour.

Talk about a mess...

Let's just say that that's never happening again.

Jeremy never was able to sell that tail.